I Got a Grandma

This weekend a few friends and I were rocking out to the Positive K album. You know the one, “The Skills Dat Pay Da Bills”. Anyways we found that the song “I Got a Man” worked nicely with a slight copy edit. Go ahead and change all the ‘Man’s with ‘Grandma’s.
Here are the highlights:
I got [...]

“Ode to My Toothbrush”

“Ode to My Toothbrush”
By now you’ve heard the rumors. My abuse, my negligence. It’s true. I’m sorry. We are cruel giants, manipulative of your appliance. Baby, lets relish the now. Do it once more. I applaud your lonely charity. Under the artificial light you [...]

KFC’s New Marketing = FAIL

It has been brought to my attention, by the master mind Nicole, that KFC’s new marketing campaign is just plain dumb. And when I say dumb I mean really dumb. Like dumb on multiple levels. First off lets try and grasp the idea that they are now selling grilled chicken at Kentucky Fried Chicken. How [...]

My Energy Drink Addiction

You know you’re addicted to energy drinks when every time you get gas, or pass a gas station for that matter, you wonder what energy drinks they have. It has gotten to the point where I know which gas stations have which energy drinks. I don’t choose which gas station I go to by gas [...]

Fact = Poop

So I was writing some copy and went to dictionary.com to find some synonyms for the word fact. Poop is a synonym for fact.
Is this for real?

Shitty Ideas

Ok, this whole Green movement has gone too far. I’m all about recycling, saving the environment and whatnot, but recycled toilet paper is too much. My roommate just bought some Seventh Generation toilet paper and this stuff is awful. It’s basically see through. That’s dangerous. And of course it isn’t soft to the touch. Saving the [...]

The Sock Dollar

I just had the worst/funniest experience of the year… I was at the Save A Lot grocery store down the street from my house in Baltimore. It’s a pretty ghetto grocery store, but I only needed oil. I was waiting in the always huge line and the line moves extremely slow here. About 3 people [...]

Symmetry of the Pirate

Tired of thinking about the Mortgage Bailout? Well, lets think about something a little more pressing, shall we?
Can someone please explain to me why pirates are so damn asymmetric. There’s the eye patch, the peg leg, the earring, the hook, the parrot, and not to mention the lose of teeth due to scurvy. Really, is it a prerequisite of the [...]

Jesus the Capricorn

I’m not really religious. And I don’t follow horoscopes. So I don’t know why I found this interesting, but i did. Sometimes I really can’t explain why these things rattle around up there. Anyways, Jesus was a Capricorn (December 22 – January 19).
Here is the basic profile of a Capricorn… and also Jesus:

Determined, single-minded, directed, [...]

Transformers = Condoms

You know what? I’m just gonna come out and say it. Condoms are like Transformers. Anyone feel me on this? Wait let me explain right quick, before you click “back”. 
I never really was feeling the Transformers when I was a kid. Same reason I’m not feeling condoms… besides the whole feeling thing. See you are [...]