You know what? I’m just gonna come out and say it. Condoms are like Transformers. Anyone feel me on this? Wait let me explain right quick, before you click “back”.
I never really was feeling the Transformers when I was a kid. Same reason I’m not feeling condoms… besides the whole feeling thing. See you are like 6 and you are playing with your robot, well aware of the fact that you can transform it into a jet. You’re roboting around the Lazyboy and… Oh Shit! Here comes Megatron… Don’t get me started on his ass either, a robot that turns into a pistol… stay on topic kid. Ok, so it’ll be beneficial to battle Megatron as a jet so I best start transforming right? Fucking 15 steps and a minute later your robot is a jet. I don’t know about you, but when I was 6 my attention span was not that long.
So how is this like a condom? Ok, so your making out with this girl. Shits getting hot. Damn! Shits getting real hot. You are about to have sex. Werd! But fuck, where’s the condom? Oh yeah, it is on the other side of the bedroom. Let me go get that shit. So you stumble your way in the dark… stub your toe on the foot of the bed… fumble with the condom…. Fuck it! My attention span is gone.
So that’s why I don’t use protection.
P.S. – I loved He-Man, but what’s up with the fur speedo???